The week you can’t remember: Nov. 10-14
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Presidents now in technicolor
Spent all week getting high on that Barack Dro-bama? Here’s what you might have missed.
Actress/singer/complete waste of human existence Lindsay Lohan was quoted in an Entertainment Tonight interview as saying how amazing it was that president-elect Barack Obama would be “our first colored president.” Apparently, Lindsay isn’t just a newly-discovered lesbian these days, but also an elderly white woman who remembers the good old days when “certain people” knew their place.
The always humble Kanye West continued his mission of modesty earlier in the week by proclaiming himself to be “the voice of this generation.” I guess he must also be the fist of our generation, as he was arrested yet again Thursday night after allegedly assaulting a photographer outside a club in England. If Kanye keeps it up, he might just claim another body-related title. The asshole of this generation.
The 42nd Annual Country Music Awards were held Wednesday night, as Kenny Chesney won Entertainer of the Year. Brad Paisley and Carrie Underwood repeated as male/female vocalists of the year, while Kellie Pickler took home the award for least obvious boob implants ever, NOT!
Joe Jonas, one-third of the unholy trio known as the Jonas Brothers, recently posted a response on his Myspace page to claims by his ex-g/f, barely-legal country hottie Taylor Swift, that Jonas cheated on and broke up with her over the phone in 27 seconds. After a severe case of fan-backlash over the incident, Jonas wrote that, “Maybe there were reasons for a breakup. Maybe the heart moved on. Perhaps feelings changed. I am truly saddened that anything would potentially cause you to think less of me.” Congratulations Joe. You just went from being a total dick to a total douche.
Finally, in who-could-care-less news, pop idol and part-time Mr. Clean impersonator Britney Spears announced that a new documentary, Britney: For the Record, would air in late November on MTV in the hopes that it will “clear up any misunderstandings about my life in the past.” After all these years, I think she’s finally going to admit to no longer being a virgin. Truthfully, I always thought the two kids erupting from her vagina were a dead give away.
– Matt, Staff Writer
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