Ramen Report: How to Party with no Money

Posted by Alex on Nov 24, 2008 in Articles |

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Don't leave home without it...

So, you want to party but are completely broke.

Welcome to my life…or high-school, college, grad school, or your normal f’ed up life (depending on when you actually realized alcohol and its many benefits). Thankfully, I have found a way for you to continue to not study, make retarded choices, live in the moment, blackout, and most importantly PARTY. So please take these tips and enjoy…

Always have a Red Solo Cup on you (or in the car you rode in). I can’t tell you how many times I have showed up to a party and every freaking person in the party is sporting a Red Solo Cup. Usually having one of these is all it takes to avoid paying the ass clown (usually a dumbass guy) who paid for the keg himself and seriously thought he would get all of his money back.

Never drive to any party. Almost half of all the parties I go to are somewhere I have usually never been…meaning that more often than not you’re going to get lost. Then you have to rely on your drunk friend who is already at the party to give you directions, which really means your probably going to be driving around like a retard for about 20 minutes. So, don’t drive. Save money on gas and make a friend drive.

When you get to the party….STEAL ALCOHOL. At almost every party you will find someone who has purchased a case (24 beers for the idiots who don’t party) and this person is usually going to put his case in the fridge. When this takes place make sure you take a few beers and hide them throughout the house, or in other areas in the fridge. That way when all the beer is gone, like Texas Tech’s chances of actually amounting to anything in college football, you will still be O.K.

Always take your drunk friend home. Usually this can be more of a burden, but you need to make sure that you make one stop before taking your buddy home. WHATABURGER…or McDonalds, Taco Bell, Taco Bueno, or Burger King. Whatever your “drunk” fast food place is go there. Order for you and your buddy and right before your about to pay act like you don’t have any cash, or credit cards since this is 2008 and practically everyone has a credit card. Your buddy will most likely say the following, ” OOOOOO DUDE DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT MAN, I GOT THIS, I GOT THIS, BROS FOR LIFE “. Deep down you know damn well you probably will never see this tool after you graduate but until then why not let him pay for every “drunk” meal.

The Ramen Report understands that this is probably one of the only times in life when you can go wherever you please or do whatever you want. Your free and not held down by children (whether they are yours or not), a wife, mistress, border patrol, job, or prison. With that being said, take these tips and put them to use.

– Alex, Staff Writer