The Week You Can’t Remember: Jan. 12th-16th
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Spend all week dodgin’ bullets on the mean streets of…the Greensboro, N.C., movie theater? Here’s what you might have missed.
Please ghost of Biggie...we're beggin you...Don't let us get killed this weekend at your movie...
Apparently being a pretend rapper isn’t any easier than the real thing. Jamal Woolard, star of the new Biggie biopic Notorious, managed to avoid a similar fate as the husky hip-hop kingpin when shots were fired outside of a Greensboro movie theater on opening night. One man was shot in the abdomen, and surprise, surprise…police still have no leads on the case. We’ll be reviewing the movie this week, and don’t try and stop us. We knew the risks when we first took this job. That’s just the life of an internet movie critic. Mo popcorn, mo problems.
The 1,000 year reign of the beast is coming to an end soon, as President-Elect Barack Obama prepares to take office within the next week. Hollywood is already abuzz, as uber-hotties Carmen Electra and Denise Richards stopped to pose for some pics at a pre-inauguration party with a dog named Lucky. We know this a cheap shot, but when we saw this the first thing that popped into our heads…Wild Things 2: Doggy Style.
Speaking of girls we’d much rather look at than ever listen to, former Girl Next Door Kendra Wilkinson recently told UsWeekly that life at the Playboy Mansion wasn’t all drunken orgies and sunshine. The buxom blonde admitted that she snuck out at times to hook up with random booty calls, and was only given a measly $1,000 weekly allowance to live on. With third-world living conditions like that, it’s a wonder Hef wasn’t arrested on the spot for domestic abuse. Thank goodness you’re safe now, Kendra.
Let’s stick with the no-talent, big tits theme…I’m a big fan of a girl with a lil junk in the trunk, but Kim Kardashian is pushin it. Check out these pics of Ray J’s f*ck-toy at the beach. It’s almost as if a rip in the time-space continuem opened up between Kim’s ass cheeks and is now slowly devouring all matter…starting with her bikini bottoms.
Okay, we know this nudie shot of “Katy Perry” is just not the real deal. But we figure if we keep tellin ourselves it is, maybe it just might come true. Either that or the real Katy Perry will see all the press generated by the pics and decide to release some of her own. Either way, enjoy!
We brought you some babealicious photos of super-cutie Amanda Bynes last week, and just in time for some great breaking news. The Hairspray star is SINGLE! After dumping her no-name b/f, it’s time for Ms. Bynes to be listed on the market once more. Gentleman, start you wanking-off.
Call us an ass. We don’t care. But lockin your girlfriend out of the car is always funny. Every time. Period. Apparently, Tony Romo thinks so too. What a legit dude.
Usually, we close this bit with some immature joke about Britney Spears. Maybe the pop-starlet is on to us, because after a whole 15 minutes of searching, the best we could come up with are these pics of her while on tour where she looks…wow…amazing! Look at those abs. They look good enough for me…for me…FOR ME TO POOP ON! HAHAHA KEPT THE STREAK ALIVE!
– Matt, Staff Writer
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Your damn skippy lockin your girlfriend out of the car IS always funny. Matter of fact locking anyone out of anything is always classic. It just doesn’t always have the enjoying feel of complete fulfillment that locking a noisy pain in the ass out of the car gives you.
Sorry I get emotional sometimes especially with Amanda Bynes and my little whore Birtney in one article.