The Week You Can’t Remember: Jan. 19th-23rd
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Spend all week throwing your hands in the air like you just don’t care after the Obama inauguration? Here’s what you might have missed.
Either we just gained x-ray vision, or Eva has a really bad moth problem in her closet...
It was a historic week for our nation, one that will live on in our memories and our children’s history books. And unless you went into some sort of vegetative state and lost all ability to see and hear, we were all apart of history when…Eva Mendez was elected Most Desirable Women of 2009. A lot of people asked us if we ever thought we’d live to see this day. Thank God we did.
Seriously though, we here at K.O.W. would like to congratulate President Obama, our country’s first black president. And in true college fashion, on inauguration day, it seemed like B-dawg had just crammed for his big Oath of Office final right before. Don’t worry sir…after putting that much information into our brains, sometimes we get it mixed up too.
Thanks to our homie being in the White House, America is now in a perpetual state of hope, and these pictures of a semi-nude Eliza Dushku give us hope that even during a recession, we can still afford the basic human right of celebrity internet nudy pics. U.S.A.! U.S.A.!
Even still, it’s no secret that times are tough for everyone. Just listen to this heart-string pulling story about our nation’s sweetheart, Paris Hilton. Apparently, during the Sundance Film Festival, Paris made off with 30 bags of free merchandise that were supposed to be one per person. Now before you get all huffy, think for a second. Hasn’t Paris already given us so much (i.e. One Night in Paris, The Simple Life, and countless other paparazzi crotch shots), that isn’t it time we all started to give a little back?
Paris wasn’t the only wrongly persecuted person at Sundance this week. Just check out these pics of Mariah Carey and her son…umm…we mean her husband Nick Cannon, coming off their own personal tragedy. After performing for President and Mrs. Obama at the inauguration, Mariah was forced to sit with hasbeens like Alicia Keys, Mary J. Blige and Bruce Springsteen, instead of where she thought she would be seated…beside the Obamas. Not one to make a scene, Mimi immediately left the event, and we say good for her. It’s just like the great Dr. Martin Luther King said himself, “If you aint’ first…you’re last.”
Now onto some happier news. Miss U.S.A 1991 is taking off her crown, and apparently everything else, in order to start a career in the glamorous porn industry. Something tells us though that the talent show routine she did with a flute is going to be spiced up a bit for her new job.
If you’re not sitting down, you might want to grab a seat. Good? Okay, don’t be mad but, we just heard MTV’s The Hills is possibly filming it’s sixth and final season. The show’s main star, Lauren Conrad, has recently expressed a desire to end the show’s run on a high note. We can only assume that Hill’s writers are finding it harder and harder to come up with quality scripts every week. Not that it’s scripted or anything. The cue cards are just suggestions of what the cast…uh, we mean…the actors….umm…we mean…the real-life people, should say.
Britney, you little minx. And all this time we thought your new song If You Seek Amy was really an old-timey instructional on how to find a long lost girl named Amy. As it turns out, parents’ groups and radio stations discovered that that’s not what the song is about at all. In fact, if you say the song’s title out loud a little faster, it’s almost as if it spells out some kind of coded message. Dammit, if only we had paid attention in third grade and knew how to spell. Oh well, guess we’ll have to find an adult to tell us what it means.
– Matt, Staff Writer
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Congratulations to Obama!
I sing Britney’s song If You Seek Amy all the time and I never got it..but now it makes more sense haha!! I still like it!!
I heard about the Britney Spears things from one of the guys that works for me, I thought he was on crack when he was explaining it to me. After checking out the song on you tube it all became very clear to me… Britney is beggin to If you seek Amy.