Unspoken Rules of Drinking Games
If you have ever played a drinking game, and for the sake of argument let’s assume that you aren’t a complete d-bag and have, chances are its happened to you.
Commandment 1: Men throw, Bitches blow
Whether your sport of choice is beer pong, flip cup, or just plain old you take a shot/I take a shot, at some point in your journey someone has broken one of the unspoken rules that govern all games.
You might be asking yourself, if these rules are so important, then why doesn’t someone just say something?
Because unspoken rules are a lot like Fight Club. The first rule of unspoken rules is you don’t speak about them. The second rule of unspoken rules…rule one is the only rule. Except of course for the unspoken rules themselves.
Let’s turn to a few examples in your textbooks to better illustrate the point.
Ex. 1 –You and your buddy are the princes of pong. The two of you have managed to hold the table at the party for three consecutive hours. Countless waves of dude-duos have fallen at your feet as you mightily throw ball after ball into each awaiting solo cup.
Question: What’s wrong with this picture?
Answer:There’s almost no excuse to have a team consisting of two guys. In fact, I’m pretty sure there’s a constitutional ban against it in most states. Unless you’re playing with a female to your side, you’re gonna have to convert it to a 2 person drinking game. A beer pong game should have a maximum of 2 sets of testicles. Every time you and your bros gear up for some alternative-lifestyle penis pong of 2v2, it’s like spitting on the American flag. The only reason to have 2 guys on the same team is if there are 2 sets of boobies staring back at you from across the table, and you’re battling to get these hotties to shed some clothing.
Otherwise, find a chick and play the game the way the Bible tells us to.. the same number of men and women per team.
Ex. 2 –You and your friends are gathered around the table over a game of pyramid. The cards are laid out and the hands are dealt. After most of the cards are matched up, everybody’s eyes fall upon the top of the pyramid. As the final card is flipped, the king on the table matches the other three you have left in your hand. You have the power to drop the bomb on the hot blond chick sitting next to you, but instead you decide to give the entire butt-load of drinks to one of the guys.
Q: What’s wrong with this picture?
A: Kick yourself in nuts. This action SHOULD go against every man-molecule embedded in your DNA. You don’t give drinks to dudes. Period. The whole point of playing these games is to get the ladies feeling good. Not to get your buddy so piss-drunk that he passes out head first in the toilet. Reaffirm your gender and dish the drinks out to the females.
Ex. 3 – You and your entourage are engaged in an intense round of King’s Cup. It’s your turn and you draw a queen, meaning it’s time for questions. Assuming you’re playing normal rules, you may now turn to anyone in the group and ask a question. You scan the circle and stop on some sorority cutie that’s been eyeing you all night. You pause for a second to think and then these words come out of your mouth…”What color is the sky?”
Q: What’s wrong with this picture?
A:Are you f’ing kidding me? After six years of college that’s what you’re going with? If so quit reading this post immediately, because you’re a lost cause and wasting my time as well as your own. Everyone knows when you’re asking a girl a question it has to be sexual in some manner. Whether it’s the standard, “What color underwear are you wearing?”, or if you decide to go for the gold and ask, “How bad do you wanna f*ck me?”, you’ve got to grow a pair and string together a question so dirty you’re friends will think you’ve got turrets.
The Unspoken Rules are as numerous as there are young people willing to destroy their livers with these games on a nightly basis. So if you have an Unspoken Rule you wish more people knew about, send it in to using the contact page. Together we can educate the world because knowing is half the battle!